Pieces of Me.

Well my husband finally decided to call me 7 days after he left. He said that he was in an area with no internet or cell service. He also said that their phones would only call that particular city. I question that simply because after he left that particular place he goes to a small fishing village and is able to get to a phone that could call me. I don’t quite understand what happened.

When he called finally, I was calm. I didn’t have a fit. It shocked him. He thought that I was going to freak out on him. I thought it best to just let it blow over. Now things are a bit better. He’s gotten to where he calls me more often but still he has days where he finds it unnecessary to call me at all. That’s frustrating. I’ve only said something to him about it once.

I figure that if this relationship is going to work, the effort is going to have to come from his side. He’s the one who shows the least interest in the relationship working. So I sit and wait like usual. But I know me… I’ll get tired of waiting and I’ll find something more to occupy my time.  I am doing my best to give him the benefit of the doubt but sometimes it’s hard.

I love him more than anything in this world. I’ve shown him that I think. He doesn’t doubt my love for him at all. Now him, he’s made me question things since I’ve gotten back here to the US. He did some things that I would, (at the time I was in Venezuela) never have expected him of doing. The things that he did were like slaps in the face. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to do.

He still says that he loves me no matter what. He says that things are still the same. But I can tell in his demeanor that things aren’t the same at all. The way he talks to me. The way he’s doing things. It’s all changed since this time last year or even a month ago.

I’ll sit and wait to see how things play out. There is nothing more that I can do really. I just hope that it works out the way I’m expecting it to. But everyone knows to never expect anything from a man. So I’m setting myself up for a fall. Sad thing is that I know that.

Well that’s the update so far. He’s calling again but his manor of speaking to me, his lack of calling and so many other things are changing. Wish me luck.

If you’ve been keeping up with my blogs you know that I’ve not heard from my husband in days. I can’t reach him and I’m at a complete loss. Well it’s been 5 days now. I’ve still not heard a word from anyone regarding my husbands whereabouts or anything else.

I’ve still been trying to reach his cell phone and his brothers. They still go to voice mail. I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll hear from him at all… I’m scared… I don’t like this feeling. I don’t know what he’s going to say when he finally does decide to call.

He’s younger than me. I have kids, he doesn’t. He lives in a different country but I’m trying my very best to get him here to be with us. I’m beginning to wonder if he’s finally, after a year and a half, figured out what he’s gotten himself into and he’s wanting to back out. I know that it can be scary to go from one place to the next. I left here to go to Venezuela for 6 months. I can’t speak Spanish so I was unable to work or do much of anything without him by my side. I couldn’t just travel the city because I couldn’t communicate with the people. Then there is the whole Chavez hating American’s thing. So that made me going out alone almost an impossibility.

We were together everyday from the time I arrived until the time I left. We were only responsible for one another. I got used to talking to him and seeing him on a daily basis. Now we’re separated again. For several more months unless I decide to go back.

I think the ball is in his court now. I don’t know WHAT to do at all. I don’t know what he’s thinking or feeling. All I know is that his family is telling him that I demand too much of his time and I’m controlling. Which I admit, I am to an extent. But from the things he’s done over the entirety of our relationship, I have every right to be suspicious. They don’t see that though. He only tells them what he wants them to hear. They are only getting HIS side of the story.

His parents are very religious. I’m not sure that they would promote a divorce with him and I. I think they’d want us to work things out. But his brothers. His OLDER brothers are the ones with the most influence. They are the ones who tell him that I’m controlling. If they had any idea of the things that he and I have gone through in the past year and a half then maybe they would see my point of view. I don’t think that he’ll tell them. And I certainly can not. I hardly talk to any of them. I’d talk to his mother with no problem but her english is limited and so she needs my husband to stand and translate to her, that leaves me in a tough spot because I can’t tell her what is really going on.

I’m hoping that this trip that he went on is helping him to decide what it is that he actually wants out of our relationship. He’s very closed to me. I’m not sure if he’d tell me what he was honestly feeling. I tell him what I feel and how I think. We disagree a lot because we see things differently. Of course we would, we were raised totally different. I really just hope that once he decides to contact me again that it isn’t for the last time. I want my relationship to work. I want my marriage to work. I want him…. That’s the finality of it. I want him.

I guess in closing all I have to say is that I honestly and truly love my husband and I hope that after this break that he still feels the same way….